Frustration!

I allowed frustration to overcome me yesterday. Frustration is going to have to be one of the things on my checklist (pre-surgery) to overcome. We all feel frustrated at times, but I am sure not all of us immediately head to McDonald’s when it happens.

Yesterday, I had an appointment scheduled with my nutritionist. (My insurance company requires me to have six nutrition appointments in six months as one of my prerequisites before my surgery.)  It was my second appointment scheduled. My first one, I had to cancel because of a snow storm. I decide to head down a half an hour early because I wasn’t quite sure where I was going. I have to drive over an hour to go to any appointment concerning my WLS. I was able to arrive with twenty-five minutes to spare. I tried to find the medical building myself, but when I realized I only had fifteen minutes left, I called my surgeon’s office for help. I talked to three different people. The last person was able to give me directions. I followed his directions and I still couldn’t find the building. I decided to call my significant other since he is from the area. By this time I was becoming teary eyed. He calmed me down and pointed me in the right direction, but I still couldn’t find it. I ended up on some back streets and just kept turning right, and low and behold, I fell right into the parking lot, ten minutes late. Now, I have this building in front of me and have no idea what office I need to be in. I decided I would just walk into any door. They had to know where the nutritionist was, right?

“Hi, my name is Barb Fitzgerald and I am here for an appointment with the nutritionist.” I say.

The receptionist replies, “I think you are in the wrong building. They moved down the road.” She turns to the lady sitting behind her. “Didn’t the nutritionist move down the road?”

The lady thinks for a minute and says, “I think so!”

The receptionist tells me to go behind the building where the office was located and look for a sign. The sign will tell me where they moved. Out the door I go, trying to stay calm. I walk around the building, in minus one degree temperature. I come to the last door on the back side and I see people. Oh glorious people! They are cooking breakfast. There are all sorts of food. There were donuts, Danishes, pancakes, sausage, bacon, fruit, juices, coffee and much more. 

A lady comes to the door and says, “May I help you?”

“I am looking for the nutritionist.” I say.

“What kind of nutritionist are you looking for?” She asks.

“Umm..someone who is going to talk to me about my diet, I guess. Her name is lor…” I reply.

She interrupted and grabbed my hand and led me by the whole table of food, “Lori, we have a Lori. Come right this way. Would you like anything to eat?” 

At that point, I could have inhaled the whole entire table and asked for more. I was so frustrated. Time was ticking away. I was now twenty minutes late. I kind of laughed and said, “No thank you.”

We got to the front of the office and the lady asked the receptionist if she could look at Lori’s schedule and see if I am on it. Well, of course I am not even in the system. They must have thought I was crazy. I call back my surgeon’s office and tell them what has happened. I finally talk to someone who points me in the right direction. I needed to go up the stairs to the second floor and go down a long hallway to suite 204. It was Laura’s office, not Lori’s. I looked at my watch and realized I was now thirty minutes late. I grabbed the handle to the office and turned, locked. The door was locked! No way! I got on the phone and called scheduling. I told the lady on the phone that I was in front of the nutritionist’s office, but she was not there. 

The scheduler replied, “Your appointment was at 9am and you are just getting there NOW?”

I wanted to go right thru the phone and grab the lady by the throat and say, “Listen here!!” 

Instead, I stated nice and calmly, “I have been here for a while, but I got lost and then I couldn’t find the office in the building and….”

She interrupted me, “Well, you have two choices. You can either stay there and wait it out, as her next appointment isn’t until 3:30pm or you can reschedule and go home.”

Again, I calmly replied, “I drove over an hour to get here. I will sit and wait it out.”

I waited another half an hour and decided I had had enough. I felt like such a failure once again. I was thinking how my surgeon was going to think I am not serious about the whole WLS program. I felt defeated! Of course, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and drove right to McDonald’s. I ordered a breakfast sandwich meal, with a medium orange juice and a piece of lemon-blueberry bread. I ate it all in ten minutes flat, without even thinking. 

Once I got home, I called scheduling and rescheduled my appointment. Then, I called my surgeon’s office and explained how I didn’t get to meet with my nutritionist. The lady I spoke with sounded so nice. She set me at ease and told me I needed to email my patient advocate. Explain to him what had happened, so that it won’t happen again. Why didn’t I call her BEFORE I went to McDonald’s?

Frustration, I let the emotion get the best of me AND I used it as an excuse to eat in an unhealthy way. 

Some of you may be asking why I wrote this as my blog entry. This is something I need to overcome. I need to stop and think before I head for the food. I let my emotions rule me when it comes to eating. I hardly even remember eating McDonald’s because I inhaled it so fast. Sure, those ten minutes were happy minutes because I was numb at that moment. After I ate, I was not only feeling bad because I missed my appointment, but also felt horrible because I gave in and binged on food. I NEED to stop doing this. It’s just so hard!

I NEED to give it ALL I have!