And I'm back

I have been absent from my blog for a long time. Wow!! Since February of 2013. My father died that month and my life seemed to stand still for a long time. That whole  year is a big blur. It's hard to believe that he has been gone almost 3 years. It seems like I got that call just yesterday. I still have my moments when I am really missing my Dad and sometimes I shed those tears, but that is okay, I am human after all.

I have gone through many changes during the last 3 years. I was out of work due to my neck injury for a year and a half. I was not able to return as a Licensed Nursing Assistant because of my physical restrictions, but I was able to return to the same facility and work as the front end receptionist. It's great to be able to be working with the same co-workers and be in a position that allows me to still serve our Veterans.

I have struggled with my emotions during the last three years. When you already have a diagnoses of major depression and something like losing a parent happens, you feel completely broken. It took me a long time to crawl out of my hole. Once I did that, I decided it was time to focus on myself and let the negative go.

During my time of negativity, I gained over 50 pounds. Remember, I am an emotional eater. Major depression + having a life changing event happen + needing comfort = eating everything in the house. Plus, those steroids that my doctor had put me on that was suppose to turn into short term, turned into taking them for 6 weeks x 3. The little weight he said I would gain, turned into a whole lot of "little" weight. I was frustrated during this time because it didn't seem like the doctors were doing anything to "fix" my neck, in the end I came to the conclusion there really was nothing they could do and I would just live with it. That is what I am doing now, I have accepted the fact that I will be in pain often. Some days are worse than others, but for the most part, I just ignore it and go on.

After my Dad died, my weight loss surgery team had me stop doing visits for awhile because they knew I needed time to grieve. I don't think they realized how long I would actually need though. I contacting them over a year later. I started working with them after I had made up my mind to not take any more medication for my neck. I worked with them and had three more nutrition appointments needed before I could have my surgery when I started back at work. Again, I decided to put my surgery on the back burner because I knew I would not be able to take the days off from work. I found something inside me to just start losing weight on my own.

What did I find? To be continued...